2012 Oscar Fashions…What Was Hot, What Was Not?

It is that time of year again where armchair fashionistas everywhere put on their best tiaras and tune into the Superbowl of red carpet events…The Oscarʼs.  Among the “fashion fumbles” detected on the Red Carpet Sunday night, by international fashion stylists Ruth and Sara Levy, were Meryl Streepʼs unusual golden get-up, Viola Davis’ sqwoobs (squished boobs) and Emma Stone’s suicide strangling by satin bow.

The theme of this year’s Oscar fashions seemed to be ‘White Wedding’. In fact, eight out of the ten celebs below looked like they’d been plucked straight from a wedding chapel.  Whether they resembled the bride, bridesmaid or mother of the bride, some where white hot, while some were definitely not…

According to the twins, “It was no honeymoon for Rooney Mara with her ‘flying nun’ inspired bodice.  This dress gave wings to her breasts and apparently they flew away.  The neckline plunged so deeply, if she’d had more real estate on top this would have been an F.C.C. television fine waiting to happen.”

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“Milla Jovovich, was radiant for her virgin voyage down the Academy Awards presenter’s aisle.  From head to toe she was a vision in white.”

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“Meryl Streep looked like she was with the band in her voluminous, Liberace-inspired gold gown.  Apparently she wasn’t aware that it’s the Oscar statuette who should have a metallic finish – not the nominee.”

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“Guiliana Rancic won’t be arrested by the Fashion Police for this great gown.  She did Joan Rivers proud.  The proportions of this dress are perfect.  From the flattering depth of the neckline to the flare of her skirt – which should always start above the knee, she exemplified true Hollywood style.”

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“Shailene Woodley looks like a Mayflower mail-order bride.  Guess she had plenty of time on the boat ride over to add the finishing crochet touches to her frock.  All that’s missing for this Pilgrim is a pair of black boots with square gold buckles.”

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“Octavia Spencer was the belle of the ball in her white beaded gown. We love Octavia because she proves what we always tell our clients – you don’t have to be model thin to dress beautifully, you just need to know what works for you and your proportions.”

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“Kristin Wiig… always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  Her drab dress is the color of New York snow and resembles a used Swiffer.”  It looks like a Project Runway mishap.  In fact, if you listen hard, you can hear Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn screaming as they run from the room.”

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“In a perfect world we would have loved some beautiful Harry Winston’s dangling from Gweneth Paltrow’s ears, but otherwise she looked elegant and statuesque in her Tom Ford creation.”

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“Viola Davis should have won Best Supported Actress with this neckline. Looking at her dress we felt like we were having a staring contest with her ‘girlfriends’.   Remember, the first thing a well designed dress should showcases is you – and not just your cleavage. In any case, thank goodness for double-sided tape.”

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“And of course no wedding is complete without a crazy cousin, played here by Kelly Osbourne with her pink hair and lips.  It’s sure to ruin the family photos.”

That’s all for this year’s Oscar Review!  If you’re planning a wedding, you now know what to wear and hopefully what to do with that crazy cousin (photoshop).

xoThe Twins

www.TheFashionCode.com

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