Many of the stars were on their best behavior at the Academy Awards this year, wearing the outfits that their sensible mothers laid out for them. For the most part it was challenging to find stuff to pick on, but you know us…
Allison Janney kills it in this knockout gown.

We give her a 100 on the Tomato-Meter.

 

 


…as opposed to a Rotten Tomato.

 

Emily Blunt’s gown was a tribute to the flu season -in a dress sponsored by Kleenex. The drab, mucus inspired color palette gave us the chills.

 

Jennifer Garner also made our best dressed list…

 

…but Nicole Kidman’s pouffy gown left us feeling blue. On the plus side, those designer pouches will have the kangaroos down under green with envy. But…

 

 

…it ain’t easy being green.

 

 

Black was another popular color this year, as you can see from the next 3 outfits. By the way, if you’re wondering what that thing is on St. Vincent’s shoulder, it’s actually her date hiding from the Fashion Police.

 

Lindsey Vonn looked like a downhill dominatrix. Sorry Lindsey, no gold for this outfit.

 

Something is missing from Taraji’s outfit…oh yeah, fabric. All she needs now is a pole.

 

These two look like the morning after Prom- and that’s before the ceremony even started.

 

And for our grand finale… the worst-dressed… Selma Hayek looks like she got her gown from the Disney gift shop and snatched a chandelier for her accessories from the enchanted castle on her way out of the theme park. Hoping she’ll shop at the big girl’s store next year.

It’s been great walking the red carpet with you. We’ll see you next time. Until then fellow fashionistas . . . please dress responsibly.

xo The Twins

 

It is that time of year again where armchair fashionistas everywhere put on their best tiaras and tune into the Superbowl of red carpet events…The Oscarʼs.  Among the “fashion fumbles” detected on the Red Carpet Sunday night, by international fashion stylists Ruth and Sara Levy, were Meryl Streepʼs unusual golden get-up, Viola Davis’ sqwoobs (squished boobs) and Emma Stone’s suicide strangling by satin bow.

The theme of this year’s Oscar fashions seemed to be ‘White Wedding’. In fact, eight out of the ten celebs below looked like they’d been plucked straight from a wedding chapel.  Whether they resembled the bride, bridesmaid or mother of the bride, some where white hot, while some were definitely not…

According to the twins, “It was no honeymoon for Rooney Mara with her ‘flying nun’ inspired bodice.  This dress gave wings to her breasts and apparently they flew away.  The neckline plunged so deeply, if she’d had more real estate on top this would have been an F.C.C. television fine waiting to happen.”

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“Milla Jovovich, was radiant for her virgin voyage down the Academy Awards presenter’s aisle.  From head to toe she was a vision in white.”

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“Meryl Streep looked like she was with the band in her voluminous, Liberace-inspired gold gown.  Apparently she wasn’t aware that it’s the Oscar statuette who should have a metallic finish – not the nominee.”

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“Guiliana Rancic won’t be arrested by the Fashion Police for this great gown.  She did Joan Rivers proud.  The proportions of this dress are perfect.  From the flattering depth of the neckline to the flare of her skirt – which should always start above the knee, she exemplified true Hollywood style.”

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“Shailene Woodley looks like a Mayflower mail-order bride.  Guess she had plenty of time on the boat ride over to add the finishing crochet touches to her frock.  All that’s missing for this Pilgrim is a pair of black boots with square gold buckles.”

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“Octavia Spencer was the belle of the ball in her white beaded gown. We love Octavia because she proves what we always tell our clients – you don’t have to be model thin to dress beautifully, you just need to know what works for you and your proportions.”

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“Kristin Wiig… always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  Her drab dress is the color of New York snow and resembles a used Swiffer.”  It looks like a Project Runway mishap.  In fact, if you listen hard, you can hear Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn screaming as they run from the room.”

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“In a perfect world we would have loved some beautiful Harry Winston’s dangling from Gweneth Paltrow’s ears, but otherwise she looked elegant and statuesque in her Tom Ford creation.”

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“Viola Davis should have won Best Supported Actress with this neckline. Looking at her dress we felt like we were having a staring contest with her ‘girlfriends’.   Remember, the first thing a well designed dress should showcases is you – and not just your cleavage. In any case, thank goodness for double-sided tape.”

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“And of course no wedding is complete without a crazy cousin, played here by Kelly Osbourne with her pink hair and lips.  It’s sure to ruin the family photos.”

That’s all for this year’s Oscar Review!  If you’re planning a wedding, you now know what to wear and hopefully what to do with that crazy cousin (photoshop).

xoThe Twins

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