More and more, fashion is being designed for the thin, rich, tall and young. That’s great news for about 1% of the population. However what about the other 99% of us? The average American gal is now a size 14 and 5’4″ tall, and with the economy in the skids -no wonder it’s so hard to find a decent outfit at the store.
Consider this…Who is modeling all the latest styles- whether it’s a magazine model, a store mannequin or your favorite supermodel? It’s those who belong to the ultra thin and tall club. When’s the last time you saw an overweight or even regular weight model – not to mention one who’s under 6 feet tall! It seems that in order to emulate the fashion styles we see plastered across our favorite magazines there’s some pretty steep hurdles to clear first…
The first two genetic “must-haves” are found so rarely that you’d have a better chance of winning the lotto than being born with these attributes. Quite simply, you must be super tall and very thin. Anyone having problems keeping weight on or having vertigo at this dizzying height? Thought so.
Ok, so maybe most of us didn’t clear those first 2 obstacles to looking great in the latest fashions. Perhaps you’ll have better luck with this next one…
Do you happen to be an heiress with a trust fund, daughter to a mega mogul and under 20 years of age? Then winning the fashion lottery will be a breeze. Not that you would need to win the lottery -if you’re already a trust fund baby … But as they say, you can never be too rich or too thin- especially with the ever-increasing array of extremely difficult to wear fashion.
What? Not a regular cast member of the Tall And Rich,Thin club? (aka T.A.R.T.s). Crashed and burned on all those style hurdles? Feeling like the rest of us, who have fallen off the radar of most designers because you can’t wear anything under a size 2?
Not to worry. If you are neither tall nor thin, rich nor planning your high school graduation party, this blog is for you. Read on to see what the uber-amazon, ultra-slim, mega rich teenagers will all be wearing this season and what the rest of us should definitely be steering clear of…
#1- Wide Leg Pants. Guess the sugar high wore off and consumers got tired of looking like human lollipops in their skinny jeans. Now its all come full circle and we are moving on to the wide leg pant. The billowous new shape has been touted as making your legs actually look thinner. Thinner than what? – two mature tree stumps? Wide leg pants will ALWAYS make you legs look larger than life. Check out the difference in our models legs when she skipped this fattening trend and opted for a pair of great boot leg pants that fit her body instead.
#2- Black Leather (PLEATED!) Mini-Skirts : Cheerleader style no less. Since ANY pleated mini-skirt is difficult to wear for most gals say over the age of 12, this “trend” should require a permission slip. We are especially worried about the leather which will unforgivingly jut out over the thighs. Could work if, like our model, you’re a size 0 Barbie look-a-like. But if you’ve got an ounce of extra padding on your hips, you could unwittingly make your bottom half look like a lampshade at a fire sale.
#3 -Psychedelic Prints. Could definitely make a statement- depending on your line of work. Not sure it would go over well in a law firm but if you work for… say a head shop (which of course is the average couture house’s target buyer) you could earn points with your boss and customer’s alike by enhancing their drug induced buying experience.
#4 -Draping, Grecian Style :
For all aspiring Greek demi-goddesses use caution when using draping. Remember that draping is one of the most difficult things for a couture designer or tailor to master. So its a fair bet that a T-shirt factory in China will not do your figure or your wardrobe justice with their mass produced designs. Also, ALWAYS remember our Fashion Code mantra “Extra fabric= extra girth”. This is never more true than when swathing excess fabric across your figure. So use draping, if you must, but always with the restraint of a Venus de Milo.
And last, but DEFINITELY not least. Our favorite…
#5 – Thigh High Leg Warmers (worn with a short skirt)
Oy, we’re having junior high school flash backs. Not that we had the long legs needed to wear them then. We could just claim prepubescent fashion ignorance, cold legs, or grandma made me….
But unless you are too young to vote or drink (legally) and are thinner than May-Kate Olson, our advice is to leave the legwarmers back in the 80’s with Jane Fonda where they belong. Your friends, family and even complete strangers with no fashion knowledge will thank you.
So, before wasting any more time and money on trends that only look good on paper, remember to ask yourself this essential question… “Do I share the same body proportions as the model, mannequin or movie star I’m trying to emulate?” If not, there’s more than a fair chance that the style they have on won’t look the same on you. Learning what looks good on your unique figure is the secret to riding out the fashion industry’s storm of marketing madness, and knowing when to give them the boot (especially if it’s an ugly, expensive, trendy one).